No Time To Panic

"So, have you found a job yet?"

"No, but I've had several interviews and I'm making some great contacts. I'm sure I'll have something soon. I just need to stay focused, stay positive and keep pushing forward. Let me know if you hear of any job openings that I might be interested in."

I am SO SICK of answering that question. I've got the answer memorized by now and can rattle it off without really concentrating on what I'm saying. The reality is, I'm daily fighting off a sense of panic that is beginning to interfere with my ability to eat, sleep or concentrate on anything except how I'm going to pay my bills. Intellectually, I realize that giving in to my desperation will ultimately doom my chances of finding a job. But emotionally I can't seem to turn my "PANIC BUTTON" off.

I take long walks, I clean house, I read stimulating self-help or motivational articles, I write in my blog. But as soon as I sit down at my desk to submit my resume, make a phone call or send an e-mail, I start shaking uncontrollably, my head starts spinning and my stomach starts churning so badly I'm forced to make a headlong rush to the bathroom.

I keep telling myself to ignore it all and take everything one moment at a time. Don't think about the 20 things that I should be doing. Think about the ONE THING that I am doing. I find myself thinking about Scarlett O'Hara a lot lately. "I can't think about that now. I'll think about it tomorrow." Maybe there's some wisdom in that philosophy, but sometimes I'm not even sure if what I doing at that moment is the best use of my time or if there's something else that may produce better results. I feel like I'm spinning in circles, lashing out at anything that gives even the tiniest hint that it might lead to a job.

And that will lead to failure. I know it as sure as I know that this job search will end. I've experienced that type of failure all too often and given in; taking whatever is dangled before me just to end the emotional torture. And, it's never turned out to be a good decision. Overcoming this particular form of failure in my life means acknowledging the panic & anxiety but still doing those things that will lead to the right kind of job (not just something to pay the bills).

So, I'm back to my "Job Search To-Do" list and I'll cross each item off my list without thinking about other distractions that creep into my consciousness. I'll pretend that this is my job. Somebody's paying me to market themselves to businesses looking for a service. If I can detach my personal feelings from this situation and pretend it's about someone else, maybe the panic will go away. Or maybe it won't.

Stay tuned to find out.